Easy Tips To Being Hated Everywhere You Go
Craving a little ‘me time’ while travelling? Desperate for the sweet relief of solitude? Looking for some breathing room on your next international sojourn?
You’re in luck. The best way to score instant isolation while travelling is by making everyone you come in contact with on your trip – from fellow travellers to exotic locals – completely and utterly hate you.
Here are 17 easy ways to make people despise you in a way that’s instant, deep, and lasting.
Forget you have a giant backpack on your back and make lots of sudden movements.
Travel in giant packs of 20 of your closest friends. Be sure to speak to each other by shouting loudly across open spaces and airplane terminals.
Assume what’s culturally kosher back home is kosher everywhere else on the planet. No matter where you go or how people glare, just keep doing you.
Walk around temples and holy sites in various states of undress. Bikini tops for women and board shorts for men are preferable.
Drink. A lot. Drink like you’ve never drunk before. Drink in the morning, in the middle of the day, and at 2am on a Monday. Use this sacred time on foreign soil as a test of your ability to imbibe copious amounts of alcohol, and to share your glorious state of inebriation with all the sleeping locals who have to work at 5am.
Speak to non-native English speakers exactly as you would with native speakers. Get frustrated when they don’t understand what you’re saying.
Better yet, speak slowly and loudly at non-native English speakers. Don’t change the actual words you’re using - say the exact same thing, but shout it. Your louder volume and slower pace will help people instantly learn English.
While shopping for souvenirs, bargain for an hour to protect yourself from being “scammed” by the poverty-stricken shop owner who spent eight hours painting that lantern by hand. Glare when she won’t budge on the price, which already amounts to about fifty cents.
Assume that those pesky airline rules about overhead compartments and upright seat positions apply to everyone but you.
Snore on the plane.
Snore on the train.
Snore through the thin walls of other people’s hotel rooms.
Chew gum in countries where it’s not allowed, because you believe its your right.
Eat sloppy, smelly street food inside museums.
Eat sloppy, smelly fast food on the plane.
Take selfies with your arms around priceless ancient statues. Don’t forget the peace sign and make sure to use that selfie stick with blatant disregard for those around you.
Think of your travel destination as your home-away-from home, but without the boring responsibilities of work and ‘real life.’ Forget the fact that the locals who live in the place you’re visiting are not on vacation, but are getting up early, going to work, practicing their religion, and enduring annoying tourists day in and day out.
When all else fails, remember: it’s all about you.
If travel isolation isn’t your thing and you’d actually like to befriend your fellow travellers (not to mention the locals), go ahead and do the opposite of everything I’ve just listed.
Also, tip your server, even when it’s culturally unnecessary. I’ve always found that’s a great way to make friends.
Rebecca Anne Nguyen is a freelance writer and the Founder of TheHappyPassport.com, an inspiration site for solo female travellers.