Definitive Guide To Travel Etiquette

Bitch with the airport ground staff just because your flight is delayed or you can't get a window seat, it is not their fault.

Over pack so that you have to ferret in your bag to lighten the load.  Get a kindle and you won't need those weighty ten novels to read.

Hold up the security-screening checkpoint because, oops you forgot to take your change out of your pocket or that pesky belt has a metal clip.  If you have to hold your pants up, so be it or you should have worn a different pair.

Hog the moving walkway as if it is your own personal carrier by standing in the middle of it, or dawdle as if you have all the time in the world, some people don't.  It is a people mover, so let the machine do its work.

Sit in the airport bar drinking copious amounts of alcohol, as your drunken antics will not impress anyone, least of all the airplane crew.

Queue up when your seat number has not been called for boarding, you are just blocking the way for the people that need to go forward.  And, please let a mother with babe in arms through before you, or otherwise bring your own child to get on first.

Stare at people crying who are obviously texting their last goodbye to a loved one, unless they are exceptionally good looking and you are planning on making a move, totally out of sympathy of course.

Listen to the airplane crew; it is for your own good and information.  So when they say to put your belt on or your tray up, do it.   Don't turn the airplane crew into scotty schoolteachers who will want to cane your knuckles.  

When flying budget airlines and you don't like their food or their prices, bring your own smelly food of choice like a sardine sandwich, which upon opening the plastic wrap, smells like old unwashed socks.

Have bad body odour, as someone in all likelihood has to sit beside you.

Lean over, snuggle up to or encroach on someone else's personal space, just because you didn't get the window seat and you want to have a look out.  Stiff, you are flying blind without the picture window to entertain you.

Stuff all and sundry into the overhead lockers so that there is no space for anyone else, or bags drop everywhere because you are trying to shove just one more piece of hand luggage in where it won't fit. There are limits for a reason.

Ask another person to switch seats with you so that you can be sitting with your traveling companion.  You should have thought of that when booking.

Snore, drool, and talk to yourself or fart.  All of these antics are totally unacceptable behaviour when confined in a small space!

Use everyone else's headrest as your personal walking aid when moving down the aisle of the plane, or heaven forbid as your own personal hoist to get out of your seat.

Stand right up at the carousel with a trolly thinking your bag will come off first, unless you are in First Class stand back and wait. 

Research the destination you are heading to so that you can understand the cultural differences especially with hand signals/movements, customs and acceptable dress, so you are not perceived as an ignorant foreigner.

Learn how to say in the local lingo: hello, goodbye, thank you, where is the bathroom and sorry.

Do remember a smile will take you a thousand miles.

Have loud mobile phone conversations where everyone has to listen to what you are saying as no one else is interested in your life.

Be rude to people that are serving you, they are doing their best and if not, patience is a virtue.

Forget to acknowledge by way of saying thank you, if someone opens a door for you.

Gawk and walk whilst hogging the sidewalk, especially if taking photographs.  Not everyone is a tourist.

Try to get onto public transport when people are still trying to get off.  Wait your turn.

Pretend your bag is a traveling companion and take up the seat beside you when available seats are a rarity.